Memoirs of a Gaara Cosplayer

Memoirs of a Gaara Cosplayer
Hi there! I'm Ricardo, from Boston, Massachusetts. Welcome to my long-awaited (well, for some at least!) blog of my trip to Toronto to take part in Anime North 2006. I've been to five anime conventions since 2002, one per year. This is my third year in a row cosplaying as Gaara, my favorite character from my favorite anime series, Naruto.

Project A-Kon 2002, Grapevine, Texas, USA

Anime Expo 2003, Anaheim, California, USA

Anime North 2004, Toronto, Ontario, Canada

Anime North 2005, Toronto, Ontario, Canada

Anime North 2006, Toronto, Ontario, Canada

And you can sure as heck bet your ass I will be there in Toronto for 2007! I can't wait.

I will use only this entry, and update with different parts by day. Four days in all. I'll start with Day 1. Feel free to comment at any time. I'll add extra commentary in bold.

Day 1: Thursday, May 25, 2006

06:55 AM Home bedroom.
It's showtime.

08:09 AM Took a long time in the shower, more than I should've. Was really hoping to be at the airport at 9. Better get my ass in gear.

08:57 AM Leaving the house.

Isn't this exciting???????????

10:13 AM I'm currently sitting at my gate (C14) for Flight AC359 bound for Toronto at 11:10 AM. Already said my goodbyes to my family, and was dropped off at the airport by my sister. I am noticing a severe age disparity at this gate. Am I the only person under 40 here??? I guess I really am the only one headed to AN from Boston. But soon enough, I won't be alone any more.

To this day I still haven't seen proof of anyone from the state of Massachusetts, let alone that particular gate, that went to AN. Wouldn't make sense since Anime Boston was taking place that same weekend. Some how making this trip still makes perfect sense to me.

10:55 AM They've begun boarding. Also, my count was off. There were two others under 40.

11:10 AM Air Canada Flight 359 takes off from Logan Airport. I was hoping to get the window seat to myself, but I got seated next to a 50-something guy. Name was Bob. He's from Toronto and he was very friendly. That said, God does he know how to snore. iPod to the rescue.

At the time I wrote that last entry, Bob was asleep, so I rushed through it to get what I could in there. Here's what I remember. Thick British accent, his mother still alive and well, living in England. She still keeps tabs on him wherever he goes. So in other words, 30 years from now I'm going to be Bob without the accent. And there's a good chance I'll be having that same conversation with a 20-something young man when I'm headed for Anime North 2036. You know what? Let's move on.

12:45 PM Air Canada Flight 359 touches down on Pearson Airport, earlier than scheduled, by about an hour maybe. Impressive. Now for some duty free alkies!

01:05 PM BULLSHIT!!! No duty free! That, and I had to explain AN to customs AGAIN. Oh well, part of their job I guess.

I was thoroughly disappointed that I couldn't purchase alcohol for the late night drinking party I was planning to attend some time during the weekend. So I ended up not going. More on that later.

01:40 PM Almost missed my shuttle since I spaced out listening to my iPod. Had to stop him before he drove off. That's going to cost me an extra dollar tip.

I actually did give him that extra dollar in tip. It was a funny sequence of events, really. I was waiting outside the airport terminal for the bus to arrive. In my boredom from standing up, I thought it'd be a good idea to sit down on top of my luggage. Then gravity gave me the finger. Oh, the humanity! Looking to save face I laughed at myself as I discreetly glanced over the other patrons, who had that "It'll be safe to laugh once he leaves" look on their faces.

Then of course, to take my mind off that, I fired up the iPod and zoned out to some reggaeton music. For what it's worth, my favorite songs tend to be ones where I don't understand the lyrics. So it's only natural that most of my mp3 collection consists of reggaeton, techno, and rap. It doesn't have to make a lick of sense, it just has to get me in the mood to dance. Or rather, contemplate doing a jig in public before ultimately deciding it isn't a good idea. Getting back to the point I was making, I was so into my music that I didn't notice the DoubleTree bus in front of me until it started leaving. I had to run and flail my arms desperately at the driver to get his attention. Had a couple of laughs with the driver about it afterward.

Embarrassment is one of those prevelant human emotions when I'm involved. I don't want to make a fool of myself, not to strangers, not to people I know, not to anybody. Yet I sit here at my computer typing up anecdotes of my trip to a place where I can dress in public in a costume of a cartoon character in May. You figure it out.

01:45 PM Girl in a group sees my shirt and tells me, "You picked the right one!" I'm guessing she made the design. (AN shirt)

Front design:

Back design:

02:00 PM Checked into my room, and holy shit, you couldn't have asked for a better room. Right next to the elevator, closest one, plus it has a perfect view of the TCC across the street. And, got me a complimentary cookie! Mmm, chocolate chips, walnuts, raisins, and a hint of honey.

That was arguably the most satisfying cookie I've ever eaten. I had heard rumors of their delicious treats available to customers but I was impressed. I'm not even a big fan of cookies to be honest, but this was soft, chewy, warm, and flavorful. So good. Also, here's the view from my hotel room window:

A view from outside:

02:05 PM Okay, so I'm here and nobody is picking up their phone. Ugh. I should start unpacking, then I'll roam around for a bit.

Here's what I did in these two hours. I took off my AN shirt and put on my homemade Uchiha shirt that I made out of boredom a year ago. It was made with a cheap iron-on sheet that you print on from your computer. The Uchiha symbol got discolored as fuck from all the washing and drying it's gone through. I wore it to see if it would garner some attention from the handful of AN visitors that arrived early. Minimal impact. I was hoping for a "Hey, you cosplaying as Sasuke?" or "Hey, you a fan of Naruto?" or maybe even a "Hey, you get laid yet, fan boy?" Here is a picture of it from two years ago, before my hair really began to grow out and that logo got the rainbow treatment.

On the bright side, I got to see Michael (or I should say, "a Michael", more on that in a bit) at the Park Plaza hotel. He's the concierge there. Awesome guy. He and I talked baseball for a good while last year. I stopped in to say hello and got to speak with him for about 5 minutes before he had to go make a run over at the airport to pick up some people. I'll probably visit him again next year. I didn't get to see Wei, which sucked. She was the bartender there at Park Plaza when I was staying there in 2005. A Chinese woman who served me well with a couple of drinks late at night and didn't seem phased by my cosplay. Even though most everyone else in the hotel who didn't know what the fuck was going seemed horrified. Good times, good times. She wrote me the kanji for "love", which is Gaara's symbol on his forehead, since I probably butchered it. Anyway, I didn't see her and it's quite possible she's moved on greater things by now. But I'll check back in 2007, and if she's there I'll be sure to give her a generous tip as I usually do. I'm just rambling now. Back to the journal.

04:23 PM Here's how my action-packed day has gone so far. I put away my clothes, then ironed my Uchiha t-shirt (way too many wrinkles). ...

This accomplished nothing. I can't iron worth a damn. Anyway, I'll have to fast forward through a lot of what I put down from 04:23 PM since I mentioned most of it in the above commentary.

... It got a little bit of attention. It's my way of letting everyone in the area know I'm here for the convention, as if it's so important that everyone's lives depends on it. Don't bother trying to figure this all out. Went to Park Plaza. Left for Subway to have lunch. Warned the clerk that business is about to go up this weekend. When I explained why, he said, "They're just sick!", referring to the cosplayers. When I told him I was one of those sick people, the awkward silence from him was priceless. Worth the eight bucks it cost me for the sub (This is a lie). Talked to AN staff info desk guy for a few before heading back to my room. Now debating whether to take a nap first or shower. I think I'll shower.

04:32 PM It's worth noting that my handwriting in this journal isn't even remotely legible and I probably won't understand a word of it when I read this back at home. Which would defeat the purpose of keeping record in the first place. Now excuse me while I stab this pen in my neck.

Not kidding, my handwriting is brutal. Like trying to read hieroglyphics after smoking reefer. I surprise myself sometimes. What can I say?

04:35 PM My mother and sister both called. My mother to check up on me. My sister to ask which laptop to rent for her upcoming trip. This is riveting content. Also, why is it always so awkward to see other con-goers? There's a level of reassurance, but at the same time, it's like we're forbidden to speak about it, as if not to jinx it. Is it just me or am I crazy? On second thought, don't answer that.

I am crazy. Bat-shit crazy. And if you weren't convinced by now that this was true, you can take my word for it.

The whole awkwardness thing is more due to my shyness than anything else, I would imagine. Sure, there are plenty of others out there like me who think the same way. But if I were more willing to break the ice with random people, I probably wouldn't feel so uncomfortable seeing someone wearing a shirt of a series I like, and then feeling like approaching them, and then not doing so. I break from this bad habit sometimes but most of the times it stays true. I need to be in my comfort zone for it to work, and that only happens when: a) I'm around people I already know; b) I've been drinking; or c) both.

05:22 PM Out of shower. Feel refreshed. Me go nite-nite.

07:33 PM I'm awake and I feel a little refreshed. Then again, I only had two hours of sleep prior to the trip, so I could've slept like a baby on a bed of broken glass. Heading down to pre-reg.

Last-minute cosplay modifications and procrastinating on packing can do that to ya. You laugh but you know you've been there before. The eyelids feel like anvils and all the Red Bull in the world couldn't keep you awake for too long. Well, unless you don't cosplay, then you're just laughing. Or not. I can't tell which is better.

08:51 PM Met up with Travis and friends at the pre-reg desk. Right now we're just having some laughs at the video game demo room. Karaoke Party. Also, Tara showed up, with extremely heavy luggage! It was like she was carrying around dead bodies in there. Also, ALSO, found a guy cosplaying as Aisha Clan Clan and I now have an urge to commit homicide.

It's actually a PS2 game entitled Karaoke Party. It was amusing (yet a little frustrating) listening to people butcher songs like "Beat It" by Michael Jackson. Not that I could do much better. If I ever had to sing in front of an audience, nobody would live to tell about it. Tara's luggage was heavy because she brought a ton of prints of her art work, plus a printer in case she needed to print out extra copies. I'm not going to say much about crossplaying, except to say it should be illegal. Period. If a girl cosplays as a male character, how awkward would that be? Could you imagine a poor guy being sexually confused after seeing a pretty-looking Edward Elric? (They do exist, by the way) Of course, this is infinitely more acceptable than anything in the "Guy Dressed as Sailor Moon" genre of cosplay.

There is actually more stuff that I neglected to mention in my journal about pre-reg that I'll get into right now. I forget the time the raffle began, but it was anywhere between 8 PM and 10 PM. Door prize. You donate some money, you get a raffle ticket. So I arrived just in time for the first drawing, and guess who won? Take a wild guess. Go on. I won this Alvis Hamilton plushie.

Don't worry, I didn't know who that was either until I looked it up.

Sat down for the rest of the raffle contest to see what neat prizes I missed out on. The best one was probably the Dark Stalkers figurine set, or something like that. The worst one, a coloring book of some anime I never heard of. Afterward, I took some pictures in the hallway of some people who were already in their cosplay.

Inuyasha demon heads!

Pirahna Plant (!!!!!) and I think a character from Dragon Quest. Don't hold me to it.

That Inuyasha cosplayer was looking to do perverse, unimaginable things to the Naraku cosplayer with that...whatever it is he was holding. He made quite the spectacle of himself in that Tim Horton's. I was amused.

More on the Tim Horton's later.

Stay tuned for Day 2, where I begin my cosplay.

Hey everyone. Yes, all one of you. Sorry for the delay. As is with all my projects, I really have to find the time and motivation to update these things. Look at how long it took for me to get this journal started. Five months...FIVE MONTHS!!!!!! A little two week break never hurt anybody, amiright? Though the one of you that reads this is probably disinterested by now and stopped checking for updates. I'm basically going to come back here reading my own writing for the heck of it.

One more thing I need to explain is that I had three roommates during this trip: Tara, Michael, and Diana. Tara was the only one I met the first day. You'll find out more about them in this next action-packed update.

So yeah, let's get back on track with this thing.

Day 2: Friday, May 26, 2006

10:25 AM Woke up a little while ago. Having breakfast at Tim Horton's by myself. Well, that's not including the Alvis plushie that I won at last night's door prize raffle. ...

Strawberry yogurt and a small bottle of orange juice. You know what it's like when you're kind of hungry, yet you kind of aren't? This happens to me all the time when I go on trips. Wake up in the morning and it's time to eat breakfast, but my stomach feels like it's tied in a knot, that is until everybody has finished eating their breakfast and it's too late. Don't tell me this hasn't happened to you before. Anyway, my appetite was small so I gave myself enough that I would have at least something in my stomach to hold me over for a bit.

... I don't remember when last night it all began, but I do know it didn't end until 1 AM. After Travis' group disbanded for the night, I went back to my room. Tara had freshened up since she was sweaty earlier from running between airport terminals in Vancouver. Poor her! That stuff was heavy (I think I already mentioned that). She was in the bathroom so I went downstairs to use one of the public bathrooms, and that lead to the biggest fluke occurrence ever. An elevator opened up and I went in, following a chick who was in a fishnet type outfit. ...

Note: It took me 5 gruling minutes to figure out that fishnet was the word I wrote down. I'm all thinking to myself, "What is a 'fashut' supposed to be? Why did I write that?" Just thought you should know this.

... When I glanced at her, she looked familiar. It then clicked right away. We recognized each other. It was Christina from the AN message board. It was already a bit of a fluke that we came in contact before the convention, but it also turns out we are neighbors of the same hallway! I felt like a stalker. How funny.

Mike just gave me a ring on the cell. Looks like he arrived, and our merry band goes from 2 to 3. Getting back to last night, I hung out with Christina's group, which includes another Gaara cosplayer. I pretty much hung out with them the entire night having a later dinner at Tim Horton's. Christina's a cool chick, I hope I get to hang out with her again today.

Reading over this, I had confused myself regarding the chronological order. But that's because I was recapping something from the previous night on a different day. Basically, I met Christina during Day 1, the night before the convention.

Anyway, pic from Saturday of the lovely duo of Christina and Sarah, from left to right:

05:53 PM Finally some time to myself. I came across the other Gaara today. I really need to find out her name. Basically, cosplay took me between 4-5 hours to complete today. Gaara's battle outfit is so difficult to put on, you don't even understand. Already came across 4 Gaaras at the convention. Last year there were about 12 I saw, I think. Diana just gave me a call. She's going to be an hour late, but that's cool. I'm currently at Harvey's and haven't finished my lunch. Don't want to skip meals if I don't have to. I've gotten my picture taken 5 times so far, and heard a bunch of "Gaara!" shouts. No hug yet, but I guess my outfit might be a little intimidating. I don't know.

Intimidating? I don't really think so, but here's the outfit. You be the judge.

Came across Travis today. David, Garfield, and a few others are with him. It's been a little weird, splitting my time with so many groups. I still think the con attendance record is going to be obliterated this year. I can feel it. ...

It was, by a difference of approximately 3,000 attendees.

... Haven't come across Christina yet today. The day is still young.

SHIT!!! Just realized Diana's arrival coincides with the photoshoot. I better give her a call.

Gave her a call, and I have 1 hour at the photoshoot. After that, I have to meet up at the lobby. She doesn't have a photo ID so that may be a problem. Anyway, gotta finish lunch.

Had a small discussion with two guys who were at Harvey's wondering what all the costumes were all about. They were real nice and not condescending like the guy at Subway was. That never gets old.

06:08 PM Oh, and I'm dying in this cosplay. Dying.

Let's call this a precursor.

08:05 PM Sitting down for a breather on one of the hallway sofas. I'm exhausted out of my mind! Was supposed to meet up with Diana but she hasn't returned my calls. Getting a little worried. On a positive note, I've gotten like a bajillion hugs and pics taken. I'm having a blast.

Really, I was so happy. I'd have done a backflip or two if I knew how to. The day started out slow with the cosplay but then one after another I kept getting hugs and picture requests. My goal is to some day have this effect on women without having to put a costume on first. Reach for the stars!

Also, my worry was that Diana would back out at the last minute. This is why I told everyone coming to bring enough money in case something like that were to happen. To take some of the suspense out, Diana did show up. And now, for some pictures.

Nintendo Power!!!

Slayers, one of my favorite anime series.

Don't know what series they're from, but does it really matter?

These nice young women were kind enough to compliment me on my cosplay, and I liked theirs too, so I took a picture.

Me with one my Gaara's adoring fans! Upon seeing the closeups, I really wish I had brought more foundation to cover up the eyebrows and have a more natural color.

An awesome Uchiha Itachi. You can't really see it in this picture but this guy went the whole nine yards and got some Mangekyou Sharingan contact lenses.

Just...woah!

Me posing with a Naruto cosplayer.

"Mess with us and you're a dead man!" If you get the reference, then you rule.

Rude cosplayer (no, not literally, he was quite a pleasure to talk to)

Excellent Hughes and Onizuka

Vincent from Final Fantasy

Yuna from Final Fantasy. Funny that I already have a few FF pics taken here, but I've never played a second of any game in the series at any point in my life. I'm convinced that I'm the only adult on the planet that this applies to.

Another in the Gaara cosplay family

From left to right: Diana, Tara, Michael, and yours truly

From left to right: Diana, Tara, Steve Bennett, Genevieve, Tommy Yune, and myself

Gen at Open Karaoke

Mike on the mic!

Day 3: Saturday, May 27, 2006

09:48 AM Just woke up, and ready to cosplay in my Kazekage blue getup. Finally met up with Diana and dayyyum. She's got it going on. Technically she's underage at age 18 since the legal age in Ontario is 19. Just thought I'd point that out. ...

Here is a pic of me with Diana from Sunday in case you didn't believe me. She had guys fawning over her the whole time at the convention.

Just found out the age of consent is 14, the legal age for consuming alcohol is 19. Not that it means anything, just pointing out the facts.

Also, I swear to God I'm not a creep, I just wanted to make note of her age so as to answer any questions involved here. Hey, don't give me that look!

... Last night was absolutely the best, and I hope I've memorized most of it. Let's see... I spent a good deal of time waiting in the lobby for Diana. While there, one of my "fans" stopped by and sat down to give me company. Apparently she couldn't find her group. I don't mind the company at all, it was just flattering. Anyway, after the 4 of us all got together, we went to Kelsey's.

Her name is Liz, and she's pretty cool, if not a bit zany to her credit. She was nice to me.

01:25 PM OK OK OK finished breakfast at 11:30 AM, finished cosplay now, must go, ttyl.

The story behind this rushed entry was I was in a hurry. Looking out my window, I could see all the cosplayers outside, and I got anxious. I was already angry at myself for sleeping in so much.

02:53 PM So exhausted right now. Roasting in my costume. This one isn't getting as much attention as yesterday's so far, but then again I get the impression that most don't recognize it or simply aren't impressed. In any case, 1 more hour until the big Naruto photoshoot. Out in the scorching sun. It doesn't help matters that I didn't have much of a breakfast (yogurt with fruit), and my stomach hurts. Feeling weak. Hope I survive the rest of the day.

Wait for it...

03:18 PM AN = death

And there it is, ladies and gentlemen! The quote of the journal. You should have seen me at that point; I was reeling. I was somewhere between dead and incapacitated. At practically every convention I've gone to I've gotten sick, I think mainly due to anxiety. A big adrenaline rush mixed with sleep and food deprivation is never a good combination. I thought bringing a bunch of bottles of water to carry along with me would help, but it all it really did was keep me from being completely dehydrated. Otherwise, I was a mess.

Last year I damn near passed out a few hours before the Masquerade. This year I think the stomach acids went haywire inside of me, on top of me feeling light headed at times. That's the only real downside to attending Anime North. It's at a point where this will be a given every time, I just need to be prepared for it.

08:13 PM There's a lot more for me to write, but right now I've accidentally put myself in a serious situation. Mike and I were walking the halls of the DoubleTree, bound for the Plaza Ballroom, when suddenly we were stopped by con security and ordered to stay seated. Apparently there is a missing child and the entire hotel has been put on a lockdown. A very dire situation. I hope they find this missing child, and soon. ...

If memory serves me well, this child in question was a teenage girl who went off to her boyfriend's house without notifying her parents of it. What a dumb thing to do. Had the whole AN security in a frenzy over it as well. Let's hope this never happens again. On a side note, I'm disputing the time in which I wrote this particular entry. It was still a bit light outside, and there was a line for a concert. Unless it was light around 8 PM, I think I wrote this earlier.

... Let's see, other things. I went to the Naruto photoshoot. Wasn't involved in a whole lot of pictures, quite honestly. While there I ran into Barks and Reaper, two people I know from the AN message board, among others. After that, I went to the charity auction and got to rub elbows with Michael Dobson and Jeff Nimoy. Very cool.

I talked about all kinds of stuff with Dobson and Nimoy. Everything from Ninja Turtles to Transformers to Naruto to Digimon to whatever. It was great. BTW, Barks' real name is Michael. Told ya I knew a billion Michaels! Here's a pic of me with Mr. Dobson:

12:26 AM Today was fun. Evening was a bit of a bust. Talk more about it later. Night.

I'm pretty sure it didn't end in a complete bust. Now for some Saturday pics!

Pretty nifty cat train! It's one of those collaboration type cosplays that everybody talks about after the convention.

Nikolai cosplaying as Hayate. I feel bad because this one came out blurry. For those who don't know him, he has a cool website that you can check out called Fairvue Central. Has excellent cosplay photography, and some of the best Naruto cosplay I've seen.

He also took the best picture of me in my traditional Kazekage outfit:

Me with another Gaara cosplayer, who I will run into again later and ask for a picture without realizing I already took one of her!

Then another Gaara came running in and we got ourselves a trio!

Alucard from Hellsing

Akatsuki! (Also, it is impossible for me to see a Deidara cosplayer in person without feeling a bit uneasy. I blame my experience at the Halloween contest a year ago when one began playfully harrassing me. It's only a matter of time before a Diedara decides it's a good idea to pose by sitting on my lifeless body, only I won't be pretending. Let's just move on.)

Very kawaii cosplay of Tai from Digimon

Because way too many people complain as if Naruto is the only cosplay being overdone.

I think this might be Jet Set Radio.

Not one, but two pictures of Naruto and Sasuke expressing their inner feelings for one another. I have nothing else to add. (edit - Sasuke is the guy and Naruto is the girl to solve any confusions here)

The Akatsukimobile. An interesting little gimmick there. Some of the Akatsuki cosplayers got a chance to write on it with a marker.

Kos-Mos and Telos from Xenosaga. Telos is actually a screenname I use online, but I didn't get it from Xenosaga. I didn't even know these were Xenosaga cosplayers at the time. I just thought they looked hot. :3

Resident Evil cosplay

Tifa Lockheart

She's BAAAACK!

Day 4 coming up...

Hola! It's taken me a few centuries but I've finally sat down and committed to finishing this bad boy up. So without further ado, Days 4 and 5.

Day 4: Sunday, May 28, 2006

01:08 PM Finished up my cosplay (Gaara in black) and am currently sitting in a Gundam panel. Last night, I had a headache so I took a nap. Got up around 2ish and went downstairs to check out the J-pop dance. As it turns out, it was too late, as it had just ended. The good part was I was able to catch Christina with her friend Sarah. They cosplayed earlier in the day and I had their picture. I spent the rest of the night with them at "Timmy's".

For clarification, Timmy's is Tim Horton's, located conveniently across the street from the DoubleTree, but you knew that already. So what happened was the previous night I did have a bit of a headache, which I was afraid would grow into a migraine. I absolutely wanted to avoid that, so I tried sleeping through it. I did feel kind of bad since some girls I spoke to earlier (Liz's crew?) wanted me to be at the J-pop dance, and I would've gone if I felt up to it. Same time though, I'm not sure how much fun that would've been for me. I've seen dances at every convention I've gone to, and it usually...bah. I don't want to be a drag.

Night at Timmy's, I hung out with Christina, Sarah, and a couple of their friends. We each ordered beverages, and just sat down half passed out. But it was amusing to behold. Despite our conditions, we were able to bullshit for a good amount of time (bullshit being my term for small talk). Sometimes the best times are when you're with people you like and nobody is doing anything. Or maybe it was the satisfaction of having an excuse to be up at 4 AM. I felt at peace. I felt accepted, when it would be just as easy to make up an excuse to ditch me for the night. To this day I've never fully comprehended how people can be drawn to a person like me, but sometimes I just confuse the living daylights out of myself. One moment I'm giving myself too much credit, another moment I'm not giving myself any credit. On the positive, I was much more of a social retard 3 years ago than I am now, so I've made improvements.

Just so there's no confusion...my Day 4 entry was recapping Day 3, and Day 5 is about to recap Day 4. That's due to the fact that with those days I stopped updating my journal on the fly, and elected to write down what I could memorize well after the day's events had transpired. Some Day 4 photos...

Some good cosplay here from I think Urusei Yatsura, and if not, then fuck me, I don't know.

The Dealer's Room in its final hour.

Posting this pic again because I can...

...and, because, well...

...the ladies adore Gaara, what more can I say???

You know what, I give up trying to identify these cosplays. This journal is almost over anyway.

(No, I didn't like how the pics of myself came out this year either. This is still a work in progress for me.)

Day 5: Monday, May 29, 2006

01:35 AM A little drunk right now, but this is the perfect time to update my journal. Right now I'm in the lobby with the opportunity to get some writing done. ...

Let me stop myself for a second. I noticed in my journal that I didn't speak much of my roommates. They were fascinating people. I love them and hope we can all get together again for 2007.

Tara: The first of my three roommates to arrive (Day 1). She's a very talented artist and a bright individual. It was really enjoyable to hear her stories of all the anime conventions she had attended in the past. Plus, Tara is very popular at the Artist Alley along with some of the guests in attendance.

Mike: The second to arrive (Day 2). For any of you in attendance at AN, he was the tall, handsome young Asian male with a British accent. I've heard he's already having a small following of fangirls as of next year! Too funny. Mike was the most readily available member of the trio to tag along with me during the con. Just a remarkable individual.

Diana: The third and last to arrive (Day 2). She was kind enough to bear gifts for us (manga books) upon her arrival. Aside from the obvious sex appeal, Diana also provided a delightful attitude and sense of humor. She was also the first to be confirmed as a roommate prior to the convention, so I'm grateful for her role in getting this quad idea off the ground.

Tara, Mike, Diana, from the bottom of my heart I thank you for being my roommates and my friends for Anime North 2006, and hope we can do it again in 2007. God Bless you guys.

... It is so eerily quiet here in the lobby. There are no other fellow ANers to be seen. Quite sad, actually. Just last night, the place was loaded with cosplayers and such. As it turns out, there were over 11,000 at this year's con, a new attendance record. It beat the previous record by about two grand. ...

Three grand, as noted earlier in the journal. But who's counting?

... Just so many stories that I honestly couldn't keep up with it all, especially with the cosplay I was doing. There were so many Gaara fangirls that hugged me and wanted to take pics with me. It was very cute. Also really cool talking with Michael Dobson, Jeff Nimoy, Tommy Yune, Steve Bennett, and others. I felt like a VIP getting to mingle with them. The thing that slightly surprised me was how much more attention the black Gaara cosplay got over the newer, brighter cosplay. Just wasn't as recognizable, I guess. ...

Not sure if I've completely gotten over that, by the way. I was really proud of that Kazekage robe. My mother did most of the work because she knows how to sew and I don't, so I can't take all the credit. But damn, I loved it, and it just didn't get the response I was expecting. That was a disappointment. As for getting to hang out with the guests, that was very cool no matter what I end up taking from this trip. But taking time to step back and observe, I have to remember that they're being paid to show up and contribute to the convention, and being friendly with the fans is all part of it. I'm sure they enjoy it though.

... In any case, right now it's amazing that AN is officially over. So much anticipation and the event just flies like nothing else. This year turned out to be better than last, despite my skepticism going in. I got to interact so much more than in the past. I guess the flexibility helped. Last year with Nestor, he followed me around everywhere, so it wasn't like I was free to do whatever. Not to devalue him, because he's a tremendous friend and was more considerate of any roommate I ever had. But all due respect, this year was a blessing in disguise. It really was. ...

Two notes...

1) I had to double-check to make sure "devalue" was a word in the English language. Fortunately for me, it is. As Mills Lane would say, "I'll allow it!"

2) Much as I tried not to, that paragraph sounded like I tossed my friend under the bus there. Unavoidable.

It was not intended to be a knock on Nestor, but he knows what I mean. We've discussed it at length privately. I feel bad that his AN experience wasn't as rewarding as mine have been thus far. I have tried luring him back, but he's made it clear that it's not his cup of tea. I just have to respect that and move on.

... There were some somber moments, like seeing people like Barks and Glooko depressed, and the poor fellow who nearly paralyzed himself. He jumped onto a stack of plastic cups and hit his head against the wall. Went into convulsions even. But good news is that he's fine now and didn't even have to visit the hospital. ...

Not sure how much of that information is accurate, but I do know the guy that injured himself is in good health and does not remember anything after hitting the wall. I suppose he can laugh about it now along with everyone else; at the time though, it was no laughing matter. Just a scary moment. Not exactly a morale booster for those who were about to bid farewell to the convention that day.

.... You know, it really sucks that after everything, I'm still alone. Got to flirt with a couple of young ladies (all legal, mind you) but nothing came of it. Yet I can't be disappointed as the expectation was never really there. You become numb to stuff like this after a while. ...

*nod*

If you've noticed a depressing tone in this portion of the entry, consider a few things:

1) The convention was over.
2) The lobby was empty and quiet, something that never happens while the convention is still going on.
3) I was still buzzed from the goodbye drinks we had that night, and when I've been drinking, my emotions are amplified. I didn't cry but I'd be lying to you if I said I wasn't close.
4) I just played Emerald Green on my iTunes a few minutes ago. Can't really explain it but that is one of those "stomach punch" songs for me. It has cheerful lyrics when translated to English, but it depresses the hell out of me when I listen to it. There's also a good chance that that song popped up on my iPod as I was writing this journal entry at the time. The other stomach punch song for me at the time was Running by No Doubt. Could be the only person on this planet that this applies to but I'm honest about it at least.

Don't worry about me though, I'm good. ^_^

... The bottom line is these 4 days have been the best and most memorable of my life. If I end up crying at any point (which I haven't yet), it'll be from joy. Tara, Mike, and Diana were all fantastic roommates. We hung out together and everything clicked. ...

... All the other remaining mini-stories, honestly, I may not recollect until I see the program again. Or I may forget them forever. I was hoping this journal would prevent that, but still, I was too busy at the con the whole time to stop to update everything. I'm wondering right now how I'll survive the short sleep up to the departure. I'll likely be a zombie by the time I touch down in Boston. Whatever, though. I can sleep once I get home. This trip to Toronto tops them all. It's hard to imagine next year being any better, but I've been wrong before. Plus I already have a good amount of connections that I didn't have before so we'll see. ...

Oh, God, I hope I didn't just jinx myself with the "I have a good amount of connections" card right there. I really can't be certain that things will play out the way they did this year. I'm obviously getting greedy.

... I'm writing this journal because I feel like I use it for myself to keep a record of all the fantastic memories, first and foremost. I've mentioned few in the past two, so I want this one to stick, to make it count.

02:05 AM My contacts are dry as heck, and it's hard to concentrate. Sleep deprevation, along with alcohol in the system, will do that to you, I suppose. Any way this is depressing I must admit. I mean, you will never see the DoubleTree this desolate during any of the 4 days of the con. Ever. Only the night after it ends. It's as if AN never happened. Most have gone back to their homes in Canada. Others have flights elsewhere. I know that despite my missing the others, I can't wait to get the heck out of Toronto. The big reason why I came here is over done with, and it's saddening to see what's left, so I may as well.

Mike owes me 90 bucks Canadian. I hope I don't forget. ...

I didn't forget. He didn't, either. Mike rules.

... Wow, so I have cosplayed as Gaara three times in 3 years. Yet it feels right, like cosplaying as anyone else would be wrong. I may try being another character, but I'll probably go as Gaara every year as long as I still cosplay. Just an appealing character to me. Another topic for another day, maybe. ...

Half a year has passed since I made those comments, and none of that has changed. I still want to try another character, but don't know who, and I still plan to make cosplaying as Gaara part of my routine. Part of it is my lack of originality. Part of it is it just wouldn't feel right if I didn't. It's going to be a sad day for me personally when I "retire" from cosplaying. But no sense in worrying about the future. Right now, to me, that day is still a long ways away. I can only focus on today.

... It's going to be weird coming home, and not having a con to look forward to, at least not in the short term. Should still be fun reminiscing, finding, and shring pics and con stories, and all that jazz. I'm not sure if I'll be happy or sad. I won't know until I go home and unpack. ...

The prevailing emotion upon arriving in Boston was anger. My duffle bag was on another flight and I had to wait until the next day to find out that, thankfully, it was recovered. That would've really sucked to have lost everything in there and conclude the trip on that note.

... I do know I will miss wearing my Gaara cosplay. It's a fucking pain in the ass to assemble and put on, but God is it fun once it's on. I could write and write and write some more, but I'm not sure you can ever fully comprehend what it means to me. It's like, I'm still me, yet I'm not. Maybe it's my desire to be different from who I present myself as on a daily basis, mixed with the ingenuity of my personality and passion. Maybe I'm out of my goddamn mind. Whatever the case, I'm not malicious about what I do, and as long as that's clear, it shouldn't matter how much I understand why I love cosplaying. It's mainly a link with other people who share the passion of anime and cosplay with me, really. The people of AN are so great.

God, I'm feeling sad now. I don't want to write any more. I'm going back up to my room soon. Good night.

At that point, I closed my journal, put it in my bag, and walked around the hotel one more time before heading back to the room. Took a picture of the empty hallway leading up to the ballrooms. No point other than to illustrate the void.

01:47 PM I'm now on Flight AC362 bound for Boston. Exhausted from rushing to the gate through customs. Said my farewells to Tara and Mike. I really hope to see them all again in 2007. On the shuttle to the airport, I got to talk con stuff with Steve Savage, one of the organizers of AN. It was cool. What wasn't cool was the smog all over Toronto. TTC went on strike and all public transit is shut down, so I imagine a lot of exhaust from driving commuters. Speaking of exhaust, I'm going to put the pen down for now, chill with my iPod, and await my return home.

02:27 PM And finally, I shed tears.

03:30 PM

What a great experience it was. I hope to do this again next year. Thank you for reading. See you in 2007!

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